From the NICU to 1 in a Flash
...What a year it has been!!!
He stepped into our lives 10 weeks earlier than he was supposed to, in a totally unexpected uproar, and god bless his little heart he hasn't stopped yet!!!
It was unlike any other Sunday, I was home doing the normal putz around and lounging, except I just didn't feel well. I was all caught up in nausea, tiredness, belly ache...I just plain old felt like crap lol...
I went to bed that night, only to wake a few hours later to find myself getting sick, and that's when the pain started! I thought at first just an upset stomach, that maybe I had eaten something that didn't agree with me!
After a few hours I knew something just wasn't right, I woke my husband and mother up after calling the on-call OB to tell them we had to trek the hour to the hospital because something was wrong! After waking up my “Big Man” and packing him to go to Didi’s we headed out, and that's when the contractions started and the pain multiplied, and I knew that we were in trouble!
When we arrived we were rushed to Maternity and the uproar began, I was quickly set up on the monitor and thankfully the baby was fine but my contractions were off the charts, I also began bleeding as the pains worsened! I was taken for a sonogram, and they couldn't find anything wrong! As the contractions continued to get worse they put me on a magnesium drip to try and stop the labor, but was without success and the contractions kept getting worse, and so did the pain. At this point I was in so much pain that I could barely tell you what was going on, my mom came to the hospital to be with us and she was in the room for 20 minutes before I even realized! It felt like I was being torn open from the inside and my blood pressure was rising by the minute, they sent for another sonogram to see if it could possibly be appendicitis, and nothing! They believed something was wrong with the placenta because that's where the pain was coming from!
That's when the decision was made, that there was no choice but to deliver, we were in a panic, it was too soon, I was only 30 weeks along and our poor little guy was going to have a fight ahead of him if he survived delivery and whatever was going on.
The NICU team from another hospital had already been put on stand-by earlier that day, and the call was made for them to come, because I was too critical at this point to transport. I was rushed to the OR, I had to be knocked out for the surgery because they didn't know at this point what they were going to find once they got in there, and with me being knocked out they only had a 3 minute window to get the baby out!
I was terrified, and had no idea what to expect, I wouldn't even be able to see my baby once he was delivered because he would have go be transported urgently to a hospital an hour away (the hospital I was delivering in didn't have a NICU), so I begged them “Please don't let them take him before I can see him”
As i lay on the table, anxiety and fear washed over me, I wished my husband could be by my side. The anesthesiologist came in and they went through all that was going to be done and I just nodded not really hearing a word, I was too worried, and then they put me out, all I really remember after that is a blur, they woke me up in recovery right away, no pain meds as so that I could be coherent enough to see my sweet boy. I remember opening up my eyes and in a fog seeing what seemed like a 100 people around my bed, my husband included by my side, "Here is your baby boy, he's stable at the moment but we need to get him to Moses, look isn't he adorable?" I remember looking over, but not reall being able to see him, I remember asking “Can i touch him?”, and after that all I remember is them pulling my hand from his and the blurry fog of them disappearing as I fell back into a sleep. I was then giving my pain meds and the rest of the day a blur, my mom came in to see me in recovery with pictures of my sweet baby boy, or so I was told because don't remember at all. My in-laws and sister-in-law had rushed to the hospital as well and had arrived just as I was being wheeled into the OR! My room was a buzz, everyone talking, all I remember is short conversations with them as I came in and out of the morphine coma I was in! My Father had drove up later that night, with my best girlfriend, and I vaguely remember talking with them and speaking to my other best girlfriend on the phone.
I awoke later that night, everyone gone, dark room, and instinctively reached for my belly, and at that moment, the whole entire day sunk in, they had delivered my little boy, I didn't even remember seeing him, just a brief blurred of a tiny little hand grasping mine. I stumbled for my phone, I had to talk to someone, I had to know, how was he, how much had he weighed, did anyone get a picture....anything!!!
CHASE ANTHONY was born March 12, 2012
Weighing 4lbs 12oz
17” long
He was big for his gestational age, a full pound bigger than an average 30 weeker, which at the time I was thought was great, but come to find out it just meant he would have to fight even harder to maintain everything!
My husband had announced his arrival on Facebook and that is the first picture I remember seeing after getting off the phone with him, I wanted to be by his side, he looked so tiny and fragile, he was covered in bruises pretty much head to toe (during the c-section he became stuck and they had to get him out quickly and forcefully before the anesthesia affected him) I wanted to kiss his bruises and hold him and love him! I shouldn't be stuck in this damn bed an hour away from him!
My damn body should have held out, this was all my fault, I had to have done something wrong for this to have happened. It was the most frustrating time, just sitting and waiting, nothing I could do, they all said focus on yourself, get yourself better and healing! UGH!!!
I called the NICU probably every hour for the next 2 days, checking to see how he was, had anything changed? He was surprisingly holding up very well.
So I sat and sat and sat, impatiently waiting, to be released so I could finally meet my little boy,
When I was finally released on Wednesday morning, I found myself a little more nervous than excited, I mean don’t get me wrong I was so excited to finally meet him and touch him, but I was nervous on what it would be like, how do you prepare yourself as a mom to see you child that way,
He was on a CPAP, and under constant light therapy for the severe jaundice, being fed by a G-Tube through his mouth, IV’s, alarms blaring, everything beeping, there was more machinery and wires than there was baby, and there was a nurse in every 10 minutes checking on him. I guess that should have given me more comfort to know he was under constant monitor, but it was very overwhelming that first day. They had his head and eyes covered so I couldn't see his precious little face and as I explain in my NICU blog page you aren't able to really touch and comfort them the way you think you should be able to. Now my husband had already been through this as he went to see him with my parents the day before, it just wasn’t anything you expect at all. When we first got there I was bombarded by nurses and the Doctor came right in to see us and speak with us. They all wanted to go over procedure and if you have any questions please feel free to ask, and blah blah blah. I know I sound harsh but it truly isn't meant to be that way, because the doctors and nurses were absolutely phenomenal, but at that moment and time I just wanted to see my precious little guy and everything else could wait.....
and then they all left and I got to sit and talk with him and lay my hands on him, and see (what I could of him) for the very first time.......
This picture was the first time I got to see him, and be able to touch him
March 15, 2012
Chase came off the CPAP this morning with little problems only one apnea episode, which is good. He is now only on the nasal canula for O2 with no push. He is tolerating feedings well and they will be trying to increase him .5 tsp every 12 hours to see how he does! They are saying that if he continues to climb and make good bounds like this that he will hopefully be home within 2 wks :)
♥
Just got to hold my precious little boy for the first time!!! ♥ no words can even describe the way I feel right now
Another good night for Chase :) tolerated another increase in feeding and only 6 episodes in 12 hr shift! Much improvement from the 20 episodes 2 days ago! They are still saying 2 more weeks until we can bring him home so keeping my fingers crossed!!!
Great great news. Chase hasn't had a single episode all day and he will now be receiving one feeding a day by nipple :) :) :) He also gained another oz! A big thank you to those who have continued to be there for us and have kept him in your prayers and thoughts! We hope to have our little man home in our arms where he belongs soon!!!
He's doing better everyday, they are working on transitioning him tonight to a crib and hoping to take out his IV tomorrow! He is finally tolerating feeding and is getting one bottle feeding a day which is great! I got to feed him for the first time tonight and there are hoping once he is good with that that I can actually stop pumping and get him to nurse! They are also hoping to wean him off of the nasal canula this weekend! So keeping are fingers crossed and praying he does well to come home soon!
Big Brother finally got to meet his Little Brother!!! This is what it's all about...my world, my ♥'s
Woohoo!!! Our little peanut Chase is in a big boy crib now and dressed :) YEAH!!! The IV is coming out they are trying to decrease his nasal canula today and at noon he will be at a full oz. feeding!!! So happy!!!
Little peanut Chase came off if his O2 today :) so happy! All he has to do now master his bottle feedings before he will be allowed to come home!!! We know he's a strong little man to have fought to get where he is now!!! Thank you to those who have continued to be there and support us and pray for Chase! We hope to have him home where he belongs soon! ♥
No More Tubes left!!! Maybe Tuesday!!!
Sitting with my precious Peanut ♥ Hoping this time tomorrow will be taking him home! Keeping my fingers crossed and praying!!!
Getting ready to go pick up our Little Peanut Chase and bring him home!!! Finally ♥ but unfortunately Big Brother won't be home for the big day bc he woke up this morning with a fever :( bless his heart poor little guy! He will be camping out with his Grammy and Pop-Pop until he is well enough to be around the baby!!!
I finally got to
nurse him today
for the first time.
He latched right
on just like a
champion. It was
beyond words.
<3
Here he is all ready to go Home...I regret not writing and updating more throughout the experience of him being in the NICU, I have various daily notes that I kept in a little notebook when I would call the NICU every morning for his updates, but other than that mostly it all sits in my memory, it's a year later and I still like feel someday's I'm sitting back in the NICU by his little bed, only being able to reach over and lay my hand on him (with a Preemie, the only way to touch him is to put your hand on the soles of their feet, and to cup their head or little honey. Stroking a preemie's little arm like you would a full-term baby is just too much stimulation, and isn’t good for them, they need to stay calm. So for the first few days, this is the only way I was able to comfort and be there for him). I was terrified the day we brought him home, my mother-in-law came with me, and we had to take a class to learn how to operate his apnea monitor, ugh. I felt like I had no idea how to take care of this fragile little guy, like all of the experience from my first son had vanished, it was a whole new adventure I was about to embark on and it was hard to believe how far we had come in the last 3 weeks.
Its crazy what this kind of experience will do to you and how it truly changes you forever.
The sleepless nights of laying there, and even when I could sleep I was setting an alarm to get up every 3 hrs to pump (he was getting breast milk through his g-tube) laying their blaming yourself, and wondering how is he, is he scared, does he know that I'm not there, I should be there…the eagerness to be next to him even though we couldn't be as much as we had wanted. My husband had to go back to work after a week and our “Big Guy” had school and needed his mommy to. So I would spend my mornings with the Big Guy and then take him to school and fly in my car for the hour drive to be with my Little Man for a few hours and then head home to get Big Guy from Grammy and do dinner and routines with him. It was utterly exhausting, I felt like I was just floating through the motions, emotionally wrecked, and still physically trying to recover from the c-section myself.…there are no words for it.
He was sent home on an apnea monitor, because he would have periods where he would stop breathing and let me tell you when the alarm goes off, which it did....ugh...first time is well…heart wrenching. The good news is, is that the bigger they get, the less often it happens, and the more used to them you become. It gets to the point that spells don’t phase you, and how to stimulate them to breathe again is second nature. The beeps and alarms of the NICU become normal, and had almost prepared me for it in a weird way.
After he came off the monitor he took off and hasn't stopped, he has excelled all of his milestones with grace, and is the biggest little trouble maker you could ever imagine, and every time you look at him he has a smile on his face. He has come a long way in the past year and proved to be a strong little fighter!!!
I know that I jumped all over the place with this and I know I missed a bunch of things I wanted to say, so I will probably add some updates as I remember them.
I want to say Thank you so much to the wonderful NICU nurses in the MOSES TAYLOR NICU. You are utterly amazing women and without you I wouldn't have had the courage to get through it all.
A huge Thank you to LAURA, You were my ROCK!!!!
His 1st Birthday
As a fellow NICU mama, I can totally relate to all of this! It's been 18 months and I still think about it a lot. I blogged about it and I read those posts sometimes and I still can't believe that was my life. These boys are something else. So strong! Just amazing!
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